In an ambitious attempt to revolutionize the way we sleep, tech start-up DreamTech unveiled its latest invention, the SleepAwaySync, a device designed to “harmonize sleep patterns across the globe.” However, since its launch last month, the gadget has instead been linked to a dramatic increase in nationwide insomnia, leaving users wide awake and the company scrambling for answers.
The SleepAwaySync, a sleek, palm-sized device that emits “theta wave-enhancing frequencies,” promised to sync users’ sleep cycles with global circadian rhythms through a proprietary app. The technology, according to DreamTech CEO Luna Restwell, was supposed to “unite the world in restful slumber, making sleepless nights a thing of the past.” Instead, sleep scientists and bleary-eyed users report that the device has done precisely the opposite.
Reports of widespread insomnia began surfacing on social media within days of the SleepAwaySync’s release, with users complaining of “incessant brain buzz” and an “unshakeable alertness” after activating the device. Sleep forums and tech blogs have since been flooded with tales of sleepless nights, leading to the trending hashtag #SleepAwaySyncSucks.
Dr. Morpheus Sandman, a renowned sleep scientist, criticized the device’s fundamental design, stating, “The SleepAwaySync’s one-size-fits-all approach to sleep enhancement ignores the complexity of human sleep patterns. It seems they’ve synced everyone to the rhythm of a chronic insomniac.”
In response to the backlash, DreamTech issued an apology and announced an immediate recall of the SleepAwaySync. “We dreamed big, but unfortunately, we didn’t dream wisely,” Restwell admitted in a press conference held at 3 AM, a time chosen to accommodate the now nocturnal schedules of the company’s executives.
“They’ve synced everyone to the rhythm of a chronic insomniac.”
The SleepAwaySync fiasco has sparked a national conversation about the need for greater oversight in the wellness tech industry, with many calling for more rigorous testing of products before they hit the market. Meanwhile, DreamTech has promised to return to the drawing board, with Restwell hinting at a new project aimed at solving the insomnia epidemic their device has exacerbated.
As for the SleepAwaySync, it has found a new life as a collector’s item for tech enthusiasts who enjoy a bit of irony with their gadgets. “It’s the perfect paperweight,” one eBay seller quipped, “especially when you’re up all night doing paperwork because you can’t sleep.”
Bo Dixon 
Arlington Hewes