In a bold move that’s raising eyebrows and generating more “oH SuRe, THaT’s a GreAt IdEa” responses than a teenager’s group chat, Riverside Springs has announced its ambitious plan to become the world’s first city powered entirely by sarcasm. In partnership with the newly founded tech startup SnarkTech, city officials unveiled the innovative Sarcasm Converter Device (SCD), a device that harnesses the kinetic energy from sarcastic remarks, eye rolls, and hand-waving “Hello? Anybody home?” gestures to generate electricity.
The announcement came during a press conference where Mayor Wilbur McDoddle stated, “Just what this city really needs right now: more hot air.” His comment, captured by the SCD prototype, reportedly powered a nearby coffee machine, brewing the world’s first cup of coffee made with pure sarcasm to which the mayor reacted with “Hurray” and twirled his finger in the air seemingly unimpressed.
The technology behind the SCD is as secretive as it is groundbreaking. Dr. Ira Nical, SnarkTech’s leading engineer, shared that the device functions by detecting the unique vibrational frequency of sarcasm, “You know, because sarcastic comments are just sooo easy to miss,” he quipped, powering a small desk fan with the resulting energy. “But in regards to safety, we’re definitely on it. We won’t be wasting ANY time ensuring we take every precaution necessary,” he said while scrolling through his phone.
Critics argue the plan is as feasible as powering the city with unicorn dreams, but supporters have pointed out the endless supply of raw material in city council meetings alone. “Given the average level of discourse at our meetings, we estimate we could power Riverside Springs for a century,” said Councilman Derek Ironique, as the lights in the council chambers brightened noticeably. He added, “I mean, does life get any better than this?”
Residents have stated mixed feelings about the initiative but disparaged any attempts to dig deeper. “Great! I always hoped my teenager’s sighs at dinner would actually contribute something to society,” lamented one parent, inadvertently charging her smartphone as she muttered under her breath. Others see it as a unique opportunity for Riverside Springs to become a leader in renewable energy, albeit in an bored, disinterested manner where they clearly have much better things they could be doing, all in an effort to help even more.
“Great! I always hoped my teenager’s sighs at dinner would actually contribute something to society,” lamented one parent, inadvertently charging her smartphone as she muttered under her breath.
To promote the new initiative, the city plans to hold a “Sarcasm in the Park” day, where residents are encouraged to share their most sarcastically charged comments. “We’re hoping to light up the entire downtown area when everyone lets loose their favorite sarcastic remarks,” Mayor McDoddle said. “What could go wrong?”
As Riverside Springs gears up to test the limits of sarcasm as a power source, the world watches with bated breath—and a healthy dose of skepticism. If successful, the city could revolutionize how we think about renewable energy and interpersonal communication. Or, as Dr. Nical puts it, “Yeah, because what the world needs now is gratuitous sarcasm, right?”
Bo Dixon 
Arlington Hewes