In what could be the biggest scientific breakthrough or the most elaborate practical joke Riverside Springs has ever seen, local scientist Dr. Hank Pym announced yesterday that he has successfully invented a time machine. However, there’s a catch – it only transports users back to last Thursday.
Dr. Pym, a self-proclaimed “temporal engineer” and part-time magician, unveiled his creation at a press conference held in his backyard, attended by local media, skeptics, and a confused neighbor. The machine, resembling a cross between a telephone booth and a washing machine, reportedly harnesses “quantum foam and vintage disco lights” to achieve temporal displacement.
“I know it sounds unbelievable, but with this machine, you can relive last Thursday as many times as you want,” Dr. Pym declared, gesturing towards the contraption adorned with flashing lights and an array of inexplicable buttons. “Think of the possibilities – never missing a trash day again, rewatching your favorite Thursday night TV show, or avoiding that awkward date with the knowledge of hindsight!”
Critics were quick to question the utility of such a device, pointing out the limitations of only traveling back a single week. “Why Thursday? Why not something more useful, like going back to stop major disasters or buy winning lottery tickets?” asked Janet Van Dyne, a local journalist.
Supporters of Dr. Pym’s invention, however, see it differently. “It’s a monumental step in science, even if it’s just for Thursdays. Who hasn’t wished for a do-over of a less-than-perfect day?” commented Phil Coulson, a Riverside Springs resident and avid believer in time travel.
“Why Thursday? Why not something more useful, like going back to stop major disasters or buy winning lottery tickets?” asked Janet Van Dyne, a local journalist.
Despite skepticism, Dr. Pym remains undeterred, claiming his next iteration will include travel to a wider range of dates. “For now, let’s just enjoy the magic of Thursdays,” he said, before accidentally tripping over the power cord and plunging the presentation into darkness.
As the town buzzes with rumors of time travel and Thursday do-overs, the scientific community remains divided. Some call for rigorous peer review, while others are busy clearing their schedules for endless loops of last Thursday.
Bo Dixon 
Arlington Hewes